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Loss

I hate losing things, I don’t remember the very first time I felt loss, I remember a million times of not being able to find something, the circle of frustration and the loss of myself out of that frustration.

I remember losing a ring that had been given to me for my eighteenth, to be honest I thought it was an odd ring, a huge black pearl surrounded by diamonds, but the ring itself symbolised something else. Funnily enough the ring was made out of a single earring, the other one had been lost by my mother. Maybe it’s fate was to be lost. I was scared to wear it in case I lost it, only because my mother kept on at me that i never wore it, I started wearing it. And then I lost it. Oh the guilt.

I had a friend who always pretended to be a best friend and then one day he just stopped talking to me. I was awakening to the fact that when someone says they love you, they don’t always really; they will only be your friend for as long as it serves their need. Having put my trust in someone, when my trust wasn’t the most stable…I was floored…for a while…then I turned into someone who refused to trust…which caused problems further down the line.

The loss of a loved one: someone who is your flesh and blood or someone who breathes your every waking day, or hangs in most waking thoughts to run with you in dreams. You can’t know until it happens, you can live in fear if you want but that’s a cold and broken hallelujah. All you can do is enjoy what time you have, save up the memories, take photos, bite your tongue, watch, listen, drench yourself in all you can and do everything you want to be done with that person. Have no regrets, say “sorry”, say “I love you”, say “come back” and be someone they want to come back to.

Cry all your tears, break all your favourite things, drink yourself into stupid ness, run away in the way you run away from problems but come the time where you pull yourself together, wake up and open your eyes to the reality of the situation.

When you lose you don’t always have to be the looser, be someone who can feel the golden sunshine in a cold, dark, lonely room and don’t be scared to smile, you have such a beautiful smile.

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