MonkeyMoonshine banner

Blue Pigs

Everyone who knows me has seen me drunk, sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s messy and sometimes it’s a lot of fun. I have of late been cutting back on the booze to lose weight for the wedding. So I’ll have one or two drinks on the weekend, but sometimes I don’t drink at all. The lack of hangovers has been fantastic, however I miss that feeling that I’m having a great time and I don’t care what anyone else thinks of what I do or say. I do however like to feel safe. I like being in control and have the knowledge that little or no danger can come to me.

My birthday this year was actually quite a sober affair for me. I had maybe a bottle or two of bubbles and a few vodka’s between the hours of 17:00pm and 03:00am I also had some food (the reason for stating the time and amounts will become clear as the story unfolds.

All was going well until one of my friends started to be sick, I put aside all partying and took care of her. Whilst I was holding back the hair of my friend, one of my other friends took it upon herself to attack the first friend, she felt that first friend was being a bit of a princess and I should be just enjoying my birthday. This resulted in a third friend taking it upon himself to blow up at her. Now he had arrived in a somewhat black mood and I had an inkling that someone would end up in the fireing line.

The result of all this four people left and I was left with blokes. So it was about 2:00 am and it is around that time of night that drunken blokes get stupid ideas. Perhaps stupid is a bit harsh, the idea itself wasn’t stupid perhaps me going along, then again how much trouble could a girl like me get into? Ha, Ha, HA!

So the idea of a strip club is raised, at this point I’m uninhibited enough to go along with the idea that this would be a fitting way to celebrate my Birthday, there was some talk of leaving on my own, but I didn’t want to be left on my own on my birthday while my fiance went off to a strip club with his (our) mates. Not one of his shining moments, even he admits that sometimes he doesn’t know where his head is.

So anyway we all go off to the strip club, we smoke outside, we wait in line and we go in, I shout everyone as a treat and someone gets me a drink. We are in there about 30 minutes and in walk the boys in blue, a friend from work who happaned to be there walked up to me and warmed me to look sober as the cops were walking around. The cops went up to the mezzanine floor to survey the sceene. I was at the bar with the blokes, chatting about life.

The policemen make a beeline for me and ask me to go outside with them, I ask why and the question is repeated with a touch of annoyance. I go outside, my partner follows and the police follow him. One of our friends is outside and when he realises that the police have pulled me out he walks over to us. What followed was then a good 40 minutes of the police harrasing me and accusing me of being intoxicated to the point that it is illegal to serve me (I have the cctv footage and noted the times). My partner and his friend are laughing at them because out of all the people in the bar I am one of the most sober. The police press on and tell me I am not aloud to go back in the club.

It goes to show how low the standards for being a policmen must be I imagine the testing to be something like the following:

 Can you speak English? Yes.

Can you understand English? Sometimes.

Do you like the idea of abusing power? Yes, very much.

Are you happy to make up false claims? If it means harrasing innocent females where do I sign up?

You’re hired!

I am still bitter, even though this ended up with the bar being taken to court and the police being shown to look like total idiots when we all watched the CCTV footage of me standing straight and tall, talking perfectly normally to the two policemen accusing me of being extreamly intoxicated.

Here’s to next year!!!

Leave a Reply