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What happaend when I went home

My fathers doctors phoned me and told me I needed to come home, of course, they euthanized him before I got there and he died on my birthday .
I walked around Hong Kong airport…in the last hours of my dad’s life….coming home to him, I think he would have liked that. I had memories of being there with him, but I just wanted to come home to my brothers.
flying – movies, crying, but it was weird to watch a movie the whole way through.
Reaching home, coming through immigration and seeing my brothers sitting there, sad as Sunday, I ran off saying i needed a cigarette, and they followed as I lit that cigarette I knew I had arrived too late, I said “he’s gone” and they said yes, I held them to me and said “it’s going to be alright”.

Matt told me he’d taken 3000 out of my dad’s account, while he was still alive, thinking whatever an arsehole thinks .

registering the death. I knew my brother had n0 money so I paid for the death certificates, The man registering the death told me he knew I was strong.

being at the solicitors
the hurt of being found i was cut out of the will and then the solicitor bitch explanation, she didn’t know me but seemed to speak as if she was best friends with my dad and I had it coming
being cut from the will
cleaning the house
dissolving in tears
singing out loud to songs
sorting everything out
being scared to take anything from the home


seeing his body at rest, remembering how white his hands were
organising the whole funeral

getting lost finding the crematorium “follow that hearse”
walking hand in hand behind the hearse, hearing my brothers so and squeezing their hands

scared, for their future, but also realising that

telling them we could get through this, might set them free

I could go were Ii wanted  but I would always be there for them

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