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My Dad Died

For much of my life I had my Dad on a pedal stool. In some lights he was a man to look up to, he certainly succeeded in many areas of his life. But he made some huge crucial mistakes.
I love my Dad and I’m torn to shreds over the last five years of his life where our relationship deteriorated into something I would describe as hateful. He was so caught up in his obsession with a woman he fell in love with after my mother, he didn’t stop to think how talking about her, hurt me and insulted the memory of my mother. To rub salt in the wound he also rewrote history placing much blame at my deceased mothers door and making her look like a villain.
I know I am far from perfect, but I am the result of my parentage or at least that’s how I pass the blame…which is what i was taught to do.
We had a fight over the phone and I thought we had made up, but we hadn’t.
He died on my birthday and then i found out he had written me out of his will….disowning me…the sick joke being his bugbear in life was his mother abandoning him. He knew how much it hurt and he did it to me.

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