I grew up with brothers who led the path to self destruction many times I witnessed their fall in to states of uncomprehensiveness. I danced along with them to songs we all knew and loved, and cleaned up their sick and their blood.

I’ve stood and listened to the thoughts of a man who no longer shared reality as most know it. I’ve been part of their paranoia, beaten down by their own shame. I’ve argued with them, lost games with them, been abondoned by them and thereon abondoned myself for a while.

I sit at home wondering if they are ok, I’ve sat by and watched, them smuther themselves in the crap that they bring on themselves. Only because any protest from me would be rewarded with a stoney silence, a look that says ” I hate you” and words that mean much the same.

Excuses are poured out at the time and afterwards, sometimes apologies that in the following months become empty and meaningless, because what ever was apologied for is done again.

WhenI have problem at work I have to find the route cause, because you can cure the sympton but if the illness is still there it wont ever stop. Well I wish I knew what the route cause was, I wish some one could shout out…it’s this, blah blah blah.

The probelm is never solved… it just goes on and on and on. I’m tired, I’ve given continual support…and I don’t know what else to do. I’m angry, upset and hurt….

what can I do?