However, I’m not because some one has walked into my life and suddenly all I care about is that one person but I’m yet to be officially introduced.  I’ve fallen in love or at the very least I’m falling in love. Everyday I wonder how they are doing as I yawn for the fifteenth time, I wonder what they look like as I eat my fruit or my vegetables, I wonder if they are ok as my hand strays down to my stomach and rubs it. 

Is it a girl or a boy will it look like Adrian or me?

Have you guessed my secret yet? I’m 12 weeks pregnant and I don’t think I have ever been happier, when I first found out I said that I had won my own personal lottery, because for me having a baby with the man I love is all I have ever wanted, now someone will love me unconditionally and I will be able to pour my love into them.

I’ve been very lucky so far with no sickness and only a bit of tiredness, certainly I love my sleep at the moment and it is very hard to get out of bed. I have kept up with the gym but in the last two weeks I have slowed down. Hopefully A bit further along in my second trimester I will get the energy back, the books keep promising me I will. 

I’ve been eating well and trying very hard not to eat more than I need but for some reason my sweet tooth has gone into over drive and I am eating far too many sweets, trying to chew gum to avoid that and it does seem to be helping.

I quit drinking and smoking a week before I found out I was pregnant, it was a dry Christmas with no Disney movies watched, but I managed to keep the chocolate consumption down. I can’t wait till next Christmas and we have a little body rolling around the boxes upon boxes that I will shower upon them.

The only thing that is giving me real problems or that is upsetting me is my temper. It’s not all the time and it’s not always the same thing but when I blow…well it’s unpleasant.  Luckily it’s only been three of four out bursts and Adrian is taking them all  in his stride and ignoring them.

We are going for our first scan on the 8th of January by then we will be near the end of our 13th week and all my immediate family will be in the country it’s all very exciting. I will now probably only want to write about the little growing person inside of me we are calling them Emcha at the moment, Emma for a girl Charlie for a boy, but of course it will be a while before we know.

Libby & Emcha

We met in June 2002 at a mutual friends party. I was wearing a union jack boob tube top and he was wearing a blue shirt with a leather jacket. He walked in to the room with a crate of beer on his shoulder, he put the beer down on the floor and we looked at each other and I thought. “I want him”.  At the end of the party we had our first kiss. We spent the night talking until we fell asleep next  to each other. We spent the following week getting to know each other. The day came for me to leave, he drove me to the airport and I have it on good authority that he stayed and watched until my plane was out of site. I was sitting in my seat, tears leaking silently from my eyes, heart broken and knowing that with each second I was moving further away from him when I should have stayed in his arms.

There we were, we’d known each other a week and wondered weather a long distance relationship would work. We talked to each other as often as we could and in the October of 2002 Adrian made his big trip to the UK. We spent another two weeks with each other and our relationship took on a new strength. London was fun, Adrian quickly mastered the undergound and I appreciated London alot more by seeing it through his eyes.

February 2003 I came out to New Zealand (via an unscheduled stop to Tahiti) to tear adrian away from his family and friends, I was finally introduced to his family and met some more of his friends. Off we went to the UK where we lived for five and a half years. It wasn’t until 2004 that Adrian met my parents, we found that quite amusing at the time.

September 2008 we quit our jobs and said godbye to all my family and friends, returned to New Zealand and here we are, we’ve been here nearly a year and now we invite you to watch us marry each other.

My birthday this year was actually quite a sober affair for me. I had maybe a bottle or two of bubbles and a few vodka’s between the hours of 17:00pm and 03:00am I also had some food (the reason for stating the time and amounts will become clear as the story unfolds.

All was going well until one of my friends started to be sick, I put aside all partying and took care of her. Whilst I was holding back the hair of my friend, one of my other friends took it upon herself to attack the first friend, she felt that first friend was being a bit of a princess and I should be just enjoying my birthday. This resulted in a third friend taking it upon himself to blow up at her. Now he had arrived in a somewhat black mood and I had an inkling that someone would end up in the fireing line.

The result of all this four people left and I was left with blokes. So it was about 2:00 am and it is around that time of night that drunken blokes get stupid ideas. Perhaps stupid is a bit harsh, the idea itself wasn’t stupid perhaps me going along, then again how much trouble could a girl like me get into? Ha, Ha, HA!

So the idea of a strip club is raised, at this point I’m uninhibited enough to go along with the idea that this would be a fitting way to celebrate my Birthday, there was some talk of leaving on my own, but I didn’t want to be left on my own on my birthday while my fiance went off to a strip club with his (our) mates. Not one of his shining moments, even he admits that sometimes he doesn’t know where his head is.

So anyway we all go off to the strip club, we smoke outside, we wait in line and we go in, I shout everyone as a treat and someone gets me a drink. We are in there about 30 minutes and in walk the boys in blue, a friend from work who happaned to be there walked up to me and warmed me to look sober as the cops were walking around. The cops went up to the mezzanine floor to survey the sceene. I was at the bar with the blokes, chatting about life.

The policemen make a beeline for me and ask me to go outside with them, I ask why and the question is repeated with a touch of annoyance. I go outside, my partner follows and the police follow him. One of our friends is outside and when he realises that the police have pulled me out he walks over to us. What followed was then a good 40 minutes of the police harrasing me and accusing me of being intoxicated to the point that it is illegal to serve me (I have the cctv footage and noted the times). My partner and his friend are laughing at them because out of all the people in the bar I am one of the most sober. The police press on and tell me I am not aloud to go back in the club.

It goes to show how low the standards for being a policmen must be I imagine the testing to be something like the following:

 Can you speak English? Yes.

Can you understand English? Sometimes.

Do you like the idea of abusing power? Yes, very much.

Are you happy to make up false claims? If it means harrasing innocent females where do I sign up?

You’re hired!

I am still bitter, even though this ended up with the bar being taken to court and the police being shown to look like total idiots when we all watched the CCTV footage of me standing straight and tall, talking perfectly normally to the two policemen accusing me of being extreamly intoxicated.

Here’s to next year!!!

Down down, you bring me down
I hear you knocking at my door and I cant sleep at night
Your face, it has no place
No room for you inside my house I need to be alone

Dont waste your words I dont need anything from you
I dont care where youve been or what you plan to do

Turn turn, I wish youd learn
Theres a time and place for everything Ive got to get it through
Cut loose, youre no use
I couldnt stand another second in your company

Dont waste your words I dont need anything from you
I dont care where youve been or what you plan to do

Stone me, why cant you see
Youre a no-one nowhere washed up baby whod look better dead

Your tongue is far too long
I dont like the way it sucks and slurps upon my every word

Dont waste your words I dont need anything from you
I dont care where youve been or what you plan to do

I am the resurrection and I am the light
I couldnt ever bring myself to hate you as Id like

I am the resurrection and I am the light
I couldnt ever bring myself to hate you as Id like

If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
If the mountains should crumble to the sea, there would still be you and me.

Kind woman, I give you my all, Kind woman, nothing more.

Little drops of rain whisper of the pain, tears of loves lost in the days gone by.
But my love is strong, with you there is no wrong,
together we shall go until we die. My, my, my.
Inspiration’s what you are to me, inspiration, look… see.

And so today, my world it smiles, your hand in mine, we walk the miles,
Thanks to you it will be done, for you to me are the only one.
Happiness, no more be sad, happiness….I’m glad.
If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
If the mountains should crumble to the sea, there would still be you and me.

Ride on, see you, I could never go with you
No matter how I wanted to
Ride on, see you, i could never go with you
No matter how i wanted to

When you ride into the night without a trace behind
Run your claw along my gut, one last time
I turn to face an empty space, where once you used to lie
And look for a spark that lights the dark
Through a teardrop in my eye

As I was going over the Cork and Kerry Mountains
I saw Captain Farrell and his money he was countin’
I first produced my pistol and then produced my rapier
I said “Stand and deliver or the devil he may take ya”
I took all of his money and it was a pretty penny
I took all of his money yeah and I brought it home to Molly
She swore that she loved me no never would she leave me
But the devil take that woman, yeah, for you know she tricked me easy
Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da
Whack for my daddy-o
Whack for my daddy-o
There’s whiskey in the jar-o
Being drunk and weary I went to Molly’s chamber
Takin’ my Molly with me, but I never knew the danger
For about six or maybe seven in walked Captain Farrell
I jumped up, fired my pistols, and I shot him with both barrels
Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da, ha, ya
Whack for my daddy-o
Whack for my daddy-o
There’s whiskey in the jar-o
Yeah, whiskey, yo, whiskey…
Oh-oh, ya
Now some men like a fishin’, but some men like the fowlin’
Some men like to hear, to hear the cannonball a-roarin’
But me, I like sleepin’, `specially in my Molly’s chamber
But here I am in prison, here I am with a ball and chain, yeah
Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da, ha, ya
Whack for my daddy-o
Whack for my daddy-o
There’s whiskey in the jar-o
Whiskey in the jar-o
Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da
Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da, hey
Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da
Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da, ya

Ten years ago on a cold dark night,
someone was killed ‘neath the town hall lights.
There were few at the scene, but they all agreed,
that the slayer who ran looked a lot like me.

Chorus ~ She walks these hills, in a long black veil.
She visits my grave, when the night winds wail.
Nobody knows, nobody sees, nobody knows, but me

The Judge said son, what is your alibi,
if you were somewhere else, then you won’t have to die.
I spoke not a word, though it meant my life,
for i’d been in the arms of my best friends wife.

Chorus*

Now the scaffold is high, and eternity’s near.
She stood in the crowd, and shed not a tear.
But some times at night, when the cold wind moans
In a long black veil, she cries over my bones

Chorus ~ She walks these hills, in a long black veil.
When the cold winds blow, and the night winds wail.
No body knows, no body sees.
No body knows, but me.

“Beautiful Girl”
Nickys in the corner
With a black coat on
Running from a bad home
With some cat inside
Now where did you find her
Among the neon lights
That haunt the streets outside
Stay with me

Beautiful girl
(stay with me)
Beautiful girl
(stay with me)
She wants to go home

From door way to door way
Street corner to corner
With neon ghosts in the city
And she sings

Stay with me
Stay with me
Stay with me
Stay with me

Shes so scared
So very frightened
Anything could happen
Right here tonight

Beautiful girl
(stay with me)
Beautiful girl
(stay with me)
She wants to go home

Beautiful girl
(stay with me)
Beautiful girl
(stay with me)
Beautiful girl
(stay with me)
Beautiful girl
(stay with me)

I was brought up not to speak back, but some times when you are talking to idiots you are left with little option, but to outsmart them and shoot them down. Too many idiots, too little time. I don’t suffer fools gladly…to be honest they royally fuck me right off.

“Is the glass half full or half empty”? Well it depends on how much I’ve drunk from it really, but if it is half empty, you better fill it up pretty quick because it won’t take long for me to finish it.

I’m feeling pretty low, but I’ve been here before.  And every time I’ve fought back. I can do that now. The thoughts of taking pills or cutting my wrists, I’ll push them to the back of my head, I’ll try my very hardest to just push through this.

I’ve always found a reason, normally that I couldn’t hurt my parents. They would be hurt and they would blame themselves. It’s not their fault it’s just the way I am. Naturally self destructive.

I’m soft and gentle really, I tare like paper, without showing.

I’ve been torn to shreds and It’s a wonder that I’m still going. I am still going though, every knock, every slap, every harsh word. Some how I glue myself back together, with very little help fro m any one else.

I am a dreamer, I have hopes that some day I won’t have to glue myself back together.

We can all have our dreams .